Improv == Pactical listening

I started improv classes at Improv Asylum in 2018. I continued through the program of six courses and graduated in December of 2019. When I started I never expected that I was entering one of the most fulling chapters of my life, full of friendships, fun and self-improvement.

I could talk more about the classes and friends I made but I want to start with what I think is the most important outcome of improv training. This is why I think every person should train in improv and why perhaps, Improv Asylum offers cooperate events.

Listening

Perhaps you find it cliche that I note the connection between improv and listening. Well duh. And we all know the importance of listening. From every leadership course to every piece of relationship advice we get long lectures on the importance of listening. Often filled with anecdotes and little worksheets to reflect on our own listening experiences. We leave with a sense of accomplishment and a renewed commitment to listening. And that’s usually the end of it until next time.

Improv is the listening gym.

It’s the only place I know where you can train your listening skills. And it’s important to have that gym. We can’t expect to improve our listening in real-life scenarios very much. Once you achieve a certain level perhaps. But for most of us, it would be like asking us to become MMA fighters by only participating MMA fights without any physical training in the gym. You might get better, but it will be a slow and painful process.

The first thing I learning in the listening gym, and I think most do, is just how terrible I was at listening. I considered myself a pretty decent listener. I like most thought that because I have deep enjoyable conversations with people that I must be a good listener. I would find out that I had very selective hearing.

In a Sam Harris podcast discussing the book, Elephant in the Brain: Hidden Motives, they described how most conversation is usually just a way of showing off what you know. If conversation was really an effort to understand an idea better then it wouldn’t wander all over the place. I think this is an accurate assessment. Obviously not all conversations, but try to notice how often your conversation tend to wander from topic to topic.

So just to recap.

Improv can clearly and quickly illuminate our listening deficiencies. Let me give a quick example. ‘Word Toss’ is an improv warm-up game that is taught early on. In this game (I encourage you to play) you stand in a circle with your friends. Someone starts by saying any word and simultaneously pointing at a person in the circle. Then that person says the first word they think of in relationship to the word that was said before while pointing at the next person. This continues with the eventual goal of returning to the word which started the game. Each game takes 2-4 minutes. The goal is to pass the words as quickly as possible.

Here are some of my observations from playing many games of ‘Word Toss.’ First, most people pause when they are pointed to. They hesitate while thinking of what to say. Perhaps you think that is normal and okay. And you should think before speaking. But in this game we want to train listening. That means taking in the word that someone gives you and giving back the first word that comes to your mind without filtering it, without trying to put forward the most impressive word.

A second related point is all the thinking that goes on while the game is happening. You are always trying to think and anticipate the words that are coming and not listening. Sometimes you hear a person say a word that sounds more like a response to a word from two turns earlier.

For example: “firetruck, ambulance, vehicles, firefighter …”

It’s okay. But that is the point of the listening gym. It’s the place to show just how much time we spend in our own mind, imagining that we’re listening when we’re really just in conversation with ourselves.

‘Yes, and…’

Just about every game in improv touches on this in one way or another. Eventually improv goes beyond games and into what is called long-form, which is just making up a story on the spot with developed relationships and vivid settings. One of the fundamental concepts that holds together any long form scene is ‘yes, and.’ ‘Yes, and’ means ‘YES’ I listened and accept what you said and did ‘AND’ I will add to it. Even when the words ‘yes, and’ and not being said, the concept is at the root of good improv.

Let me share one final observation for now. One of the common pitfalls in the application of the ‘yes, and’ concept is to confuse it with ‘yes, but.’ It’s a subtle distinction but can likewise stagnate a scene. ‘Yes, but’ means ‘YES’ I hear what you just said, ‘BUT’ I don’t accept it and will change it. Let’s look at two examples:

Person 1: “Hey dad, happy birthday.”

Person 2: “It’s not my birthday.”

Person 2 says yes I’m your dad and you mentioned my birthday but you’re wrong about it being my birthday. In improv, this makes no sense because if the two performers cannot agree on the facts of the world they are creating then the audience will become confused and disinterested.

Person 1: “Hey dad, happy birthday.”

Person 2: “Stop saying it’s my birthday.”

Here Person 2 similarly denies that it is his birthday while not denying what person 1 knows. Person 2 is saying ‘yes’ I’m your dad and you mentioned my birthday ‘and’ you know that it’s not my birthday and you’re saying it on purpose to bother me.

There are perhaps other ‘yes, and’ interpretations of these two lines but the important difference is that it is ‘yes, and’ instead of ‘yes, but.’

This concept is useful in real life as well though it is complicated because the facts not being made up by actors, rather they are determined by the universe.

We want to be good listeners. And we hope that by studying the theory of listening that we will improve. But without sustained practical exercises, we will not improve. So let’s all train in improv.